you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
