You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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