check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
BRING THE BAGELS
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
