i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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