Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
