rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
