Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
