May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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