Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
