the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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