I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
