the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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