now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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