The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
