dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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