Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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