Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
