i don't like sucking hair
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
