Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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