What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
