I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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