i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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