Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
