I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
