My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
