Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
