Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sobbing to NWA
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
