great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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