I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
