I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
