your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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