i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
