Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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