If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
