Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
