So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
A bitchslap is in order.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
