Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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