similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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