Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
