So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i will never coherently bang her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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