it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
