I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
