Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
