I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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