Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
