You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
