How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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