I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
