ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
