the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
