I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
